Posts Tagged ‘traits of an introvert’

 “In Solitude We Dwell” This was my response to a recent question  about why introverts choose to be alone.  imageHaving heard this question on numerous occasion, it appears that this misconstrued view that introverts do not appreciate the company of others and therefore are lonely is stereotypical. Such is the ignorance that accompany the perception that i felt the need to address this common myth.  Firstly, how would I define “Loneliness ”. In my view; Loneliness is a state of mind directly and indirectly brought about by an unpleasant experience. This state of mind can be triggered by various events and without mentioning the obvious once but the most commonly ignored; amongst others is “faithlessness” which can bring about “spiritual loneliness”. This form of loneliness is commonly ignored when altered within the public discourse of which physical and emotional form of loneliness take precedence yet upon reflection many will agree that it pose the greatest hurdle of all. My intention is not to attribute significance to the various forms of loneliness mentioned here but to merely state that one cannot be labelled “a loner” without first identifying the root cause of that loneliness. To do so, one must become familiar with the various form of loneliness and how it manifest itself within every individual.  However, simply labelling an individual a loner on the basis of excusing themselves from attending a social gathering is plain stupid no matter how frequently they declined such invitation.

Solving ones loneliness does not necessarily require being in the company of others as to certify it’s absence as commonly perceived. In fact, after being the subject of an unpleasant experience most individual make that choice to remain isolated (a form of defence mechanism)while reflecting on the event that led to the unfortunate experience. The continuous experience of this state of mind can be brief or extensive depending on the severity and magnitude of the events thus correlates to the mental toughness of the individual. In brief; loneliness entails longing for companionship either emotionally, physically(some cases) or spiritually of which anyone can become a victim.

However, request by introverts for lone time does not equate an absolute desire for loneliness and where granted, nor does it implies a sustained periods of inactivity. But rather an opportunity to reinvigorate themselves, reflect and gain prospective on the issues that are of importance to them.

One would be seriously mistaken to assume that they spend all their time doing nothing. But; most introvert spends a great deal of time making use of their imagination during which their ultimate aim is not the search for answers nor companionship. But rather, its a form of meditation unknown to most which involves bringing alive vivid imagination of an experience/dreams deeply desired. For most introverts, this experience is realised only in solitude. The effect can be profound; lasting hours, days or even weeks, impacting on their mood, attitude and wellbeing in a positive way. For  introverts like myself, my capacity to understand, forgive, love and cherish comes from my ability to reflect deeply while acknowledging the vulnerabilities/error of our ways(Human Race) and in solitude this capacity is greatly enhanced.

Are introverts Lonely?,  Far from it!! Majority of those i have meet are extremely comfortable in their own skin, confident, imaginative, witty  and do like small talks as long as it doesn’t revolves around the obvious subject which polarize society today.

                 Here are some tips on how to engage an introverts in a conversation: Be imaginative, be opinionated with reasons, be yourself, treat others the way you want to be treated and that means be considerate and polite in the first instance (a core principle all introverts known to me holds dearly).

Remember, He who seeketh an audience with me; if granted; claimeth not a right to that audience, for I granted thee that Privilege.. R.E.(Ruky)

Or in Solitude let us dwell…!!!

Stay True, Stay Proud, Stay Introverted

The Introverts Lounge


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Unlike many things in life, introverts largely do not like DRAMAS. They despise it so much so; they would apologies at the slightest indication of pending conflict or trouble and even do as they are told just to keep the peace. It is a trend that has become so startling and common place at work, home, social gatherings and schools. From choosing an holiday location, deciding on what to eat,  group gathering, deciding on what to do, feuding (refuse to take sides with) friends/family or partner.

It’s astonishing, the sacrifices they would make just to prolong that blissful silence and to keep those who grace their company happy. It’s like being caught between a Lion and a Tiger, with the requirement to decide who’s claws  death would be less tragic while wondering what would become of you should you put a foot wrong.

A sense of surrender becomes the only option when faced with upsetting someone; otherwise they are left with an overwhelming sense of guilt even sometime in situations that is of know importance to them. Even Just having a solution to a problem without sharing it acts as a trigger.              

      GUILT!! acquired within reason is understandable. But GUILT for most introverts takes a whole new meaning. They hold being considerate(helpful whenever they can)  and respectful so dearly that when they fall to fulfil that principle/idea, they a riddled with guilt; guilt so powerful and overwhelming that it eats into the very fabric of their being. So overwhelming it last for hours, days, weeks and even months at lengths. However, having spoken to a various individual about this subject over the years, I’ve come realise that even those closer to home are as guilty of manipulating those of us that possess such temperament; directly and indirectly for their sole benefits knowing full well the individual is likely to oblige or succumb to their tricks through a sense of guilt. As for those who are unaware of this innate temperament of introverts, their perception becomes passive ignorance or  commonly becomes associated with stereotype.

Just imagine the number of times at work you’ve been specifically asked to carry out a task which is certainly not of your expertise or job description or still conducting an on-going task while others are standing around doing nothing/ chit-chatting or the number of times a favour has been sought from you under false premise.

Overriding oneselves from this feeling is the ultimate first step in discovering a new dawn. To be successful, one has to be tactful as not to compromise their innate nurture. The solution i found; is what i commonly refer to as my “introverted double. Its like a 3 strike window opportunity before being introduced to my introverted double (The intolerable me  – More on that later).

I found the approach so effective the feeling of overwhelming guilt  subsided. This i believe is due partly because being an introvert that i am; i see how circumstances can easily influence once action and how prone we (the human race) are to misjudgement and mistakes influenced directly and indirectly by circumstance within and outside our control; so much so that i consider a three windows of opportunities before putting my feet down ultimately. Though i must admit, sometimes i still harbour some guilt after its all done and dusted. But unlike before the actions of my introverted double is now a necessity and the outcome reflects that necessity. Whether it includes telling somebody off (and deservedly so) or dealing with corporate organisation/institute over a dispute. Those same subjects/organization eventually sees the error of their ways; becoming more friendlier, polite and talkative in their dealings with me thereafter. Of course there are time when silence is just as effective, but that is rarely the case in this city of mine.

Now! my point here is NOT to discourage anyone from helping those in genuine needs under genuine circumstances or to discourage anyone from being nice (to the few which this term applies); but to highlight a common trait predominantly associated with introverts or anyone else and reinforce the need to work towards breaking that overwhelming feeling of guilty conscience (guilt if i do, guilt of i don’t” feelings). Also to reinforce the message that being considerate, respectful, polite, compassionate and quite should not be misconstrued as weakness and the subject open for exploitation, because without these trait society will be a grim place to exist.

Until Then

Stay True, Stay Proud & Stay Introverted.

The Introvert Lounge

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As I found  out; i have a unique temperament commonly associated with introversion. Well, that’s no news, having always been aware that I am uniquely different (generalisation).

For those that are wondering, what is introversion?

Most people (introverts) are already too familiar with existing definition. The flaws with this is only realised when you try explaining its meaning to their opposite number (extroverts).

However! The answer is simple. The definition is as accurate as the person who defines it.  To define introversion as accurately as possible, one must truly understand what it is to be an introvert. The problem with this is that unlike lots of things in life of which you can acquire knowledge and expert understanding through years of studies and dedication, defining introversion comes with certain element of bias more or less so, if it is being defined by an extrovert, less so if defined by an introvert.  For instance, Dr David Myers, a social psychology in his book titled “The Pursuit of Happiness” claimed that happiness require the possession of three trait: optimism, self-esteem and extroversion. He based his conclusion on a study he claimed “prove” extrovert are happier. No surprise there especially if the questions been asked includes: I like to be with others or I am fun to be with. There are two problems here. 1} he is either an extroverts (which brings a whole new prospective to his conclusion) 2} Lacks of understanding on introversion. Because definition of happiness varies from person to person and most vastly different for introverts and extroverts.

While extensive research on introversion has been conducted, with great emphasis on the psychological and neurological pathway of the physiological makeup of introverts which has contributed to our understanding of the introverted process. It is almost conclusive that these researches would be deemed near useless to our counterpart (extrovert). Since understanding such a complex process is beyond the realm of their character unless their curiosity is driven by various factors directly rewarding to their personal gratification.

I am extremely concerned with the current effort and existing definition of introversion by social academia. While unaware introverts are discovering that they are introverts through various information outlet aided by studies conducted by department such as psychology and neurology to which credits are due, there is a great danger that their effort could have an opposite effect on the existing masses and only fuel further stigmatization and alienation on an already small group. This partly because the terms psychologist and neurologist are commonly misconstrued and associated with subject with neurological disturbance and emotional imbalance. Even more complex is explaining what it is in layman’s term. Because these segment of society are more likely to bear the brunt of alienation and stigmatization that would arise from any such outcome. This with the existing knowledge of social behaviours and groups, extroverts largely find association with like-minded extroverts within various settings the norm and vice visa.  Continuation of these definitions could lead to a path of no return, just like other existing groups within our society (gay, elders, disabled etc) are finding out. Attempt to explain introversion using existing definition has proved challenging. This I believe is a common problem. An alternative definition needs to be sought and fast before it’s too late knowing human natures, once it sticks it will become part of the fabric of our society.

Either way, introverts are faced with a variety of obstacles

Firstly; in order to truly accept once introvertededness one must accept its existence and its true meaning. I say “Existance” because it is very easy to be influenced under certain situation as most people find out when in a state of increased gratification (i.e. partying) arouses some extroverted trait, which in turn arouses self-doubt about oneself (your introvertedness). Contrary to popular belief, introversion is not shyness, nor laziness, nor being a loner or anti-social. It is a form of temperament commonly identified by various characteristics  in every one of us, but embedded to the extreme in a few of us.  Introversion knows no boundaries. It identifies with no country, continent, culture, race, gender or age.

It is a way of life and who we are. As for “Me. I give you an alternative definition. For Myself: it’s an alternative way of living from an introverts prospective & I” am an introvert and proud..

Stay true,  Stay Proud, Stay Introverted..!!

The Introverts Lounge

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Welcome to The Introverts Lounge. Here at the Lounge we aspire to establish a community for knowledgeable, talented, insightful, passionate and understanding yet easily misunderstood introverts.   

While introversion has been studied by those who dare to understand and in turn, have contributed to our understanding of Introversion today, we at The Introverts Lounge view strongly that there is no better expert on the subject of Introversion in today’s society than introverts themselves.

Introversion knows no boundaries. It identifies with no country, continent, culture, race, gender or age.  It is a way of life and who we are. It is identified by various characteristics in every one of us, but embedded to the extreme in a few of us.

These are the few that are misunderstood in society today dominated by our opposite number (the extroverts) to the point of social stigmatization which often leads to misconstrued views, alienation and stereotypical approaches.

The aim of introverts Lounge is:

  • To positively identify and reinforce the very unique nature of introverts through a journey of understanding and self discovery.
  • To establish an outlet in detail of an alternative way of living from an introverts prospective in so doing educating our opposite number (extroverts), while gaining valuable insight into their complex world.
  • Ultimately, to promote our co-existence with some degree of compromise through understanding, respect and the absence of condescension.

The Introverts Lounge hopes that by collectively working with fellow introverts, we will set the record straight on the various clichés about introverts in our society today while assisting and educating those who seek answers to life’s little dilemmas.

Furthermore, while this remains a blog for the time being. We hope to gradually introduce relevant articles over the next few weeks. The Introverts Lounge team plans to introduce a website in the early new year 2012 which will run alongside the blog providing comprehensive information on issues that matters to you most…. The lounge is a work in progress!! Together, lets embark on a Journey…

With Regards

The Introverts Lounge Team

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