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Posts Tagged ‘the mighty introvert’

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Unlike many things in life, introverts largely do not like DRAMAS. They despise it so much so; they would apologies at the slightest indication of pending conflict or trouble and even do as they are told just to keep the peace. It is a trend that has become so startling and common place at work, home, social gatherings and schools. From choosing an holiday location, deciding on what to eat,  group gathering, deciding on what to do, feuding (refuse to take sides with) friends/family or partner.

It’s astonishing, the sacrifices they would make just to prolong that blissful silence and to keep those who grace their company happy. It’s like being caught between a Lion and a Tiger, with the requirement to decide who’s claws  death would be less tragic while wondering what would become of you should you put a foot wrong.

A sense of surrender becomes the only option when faced with upsetting someone; otherwise they are left with an overwhelming sense of guilt even sometime in situations that is of know importance to them. Even Just having a solution to a problem without sharing it acts as a trigger.              

      GUILT!! acquired within reason is understandable. But GUILT for most introverts takes a whole new meaning. They hold being considerate(helpful whenever they can)  and respectful so dearly that when they fall to fulfil that principle/idea, they a riddled with guilt; guilt so powerful and overwhelming that it eats into the very fabric of their being. So overwhelming it last for hours, days, weeks and even months at lengths. However, having spoken to a various individual about this subject over the years, I’ve come realise that even those closer to home are as guilty of manipulating those of us that possess such temperament; directly and indirectly for their sole benefits knowing full well the individual is likely to oblige or succumb to their tricks through a sense of guilt. As for those who are unaware of this innate temperament of introverts, their perception becomes passive ignorance or  commonly becomes associated with stereotype.

Just imagine the number of times at work you’ve been specifically asked to carry out a task which is certainly not of your expertise or job description or still conducting an on-going task while others are standing around doing nothing/ chit-chatting or the number of times a favour has been sought from you under false premise.

Overriding oneselves from this feeling is the ultimate first step in discovering a new dawn. To be successful, one has to be tactful as not to compromise their innate nurture. The solution i found; is what i commonly refer to as my “introverted double. Its like a 3 strike window opportunity before being introduced to my introverted double (The intolerable me  – More on that later).

I found the approach so effective the feeling of overwhelming guilt  subsided. This i believe is due partly because being an introvert that i am; i see how circumstances can easily influence once action and how prone we (the human race) are to misjudgement and mistakes influenced directly and indirectly by circumstance within and outside our control; so much so that i consider a three windows of opportunities before putting my feet down ultimately. Though i must admit, sometimes i still harbour some guilt after its all done and dusted. But unlike before the actions of my introverted double is now a necessity and the outcome reflects that necessity. Whether it includes telling somebody off (and deservedly so) or dealing with corporate organisation/institute over a dispute. Those same subjects/organization eventually sees the error of their ways; becoming more friendlier, polite and talkative in their dealings with me thereafter. Of course there are time when silence is just as effective, but that is rarely the case in this city of mine.

Now! my point here is NOT to discourage anyone from helping those in genuine needs under genuine circumstances or to discourage anyone from being nice (to the few which this term applies); but to highlight a common trait predominantly associated with introverts or anyone else and reinforce the need to work towards breaking that overwhelming feeling of guilty conscience (guilt if i do, guilt of i don’t” feelings). Also to reinforce the message that being considerate, respectful, polite, compassionate and quite should not be misconstrued as weakness and the subject open for exploitation, because without these trait society will be a grim place to exist.

Until Then

Stay True, Stay Proud & Stay Introverted.

The Introvert Lounge

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As I found  out; i have a unique temperament commonly associated with introversion. Well, that’s no news, having always been aware that I am uniquely different (generalisation).

For those that are wondering, what is introversion?

Most people (introverts) are already too familiar with existing definition. The flaws with this is only realised when you try explaining its meaning to their opposite number (extroverts).

However! The answer is simple. The definition is as accurate as the person who defines it.  To define introversion as accurately as possible, one must truly understand what it is to be an introvert. The problem with this is that unlike lots of things in life of which you can acquire knowledge and expert understanding through years of studies and dedication, defining introversion comes with certain element of bias more or less so, if it is being defined by an extrovert, less so if defined by an introvert.  For instance, Dr David Myers, a social psychology in his book titled “The Pursuit of Happiness” claimed that happiness require the possession of three trait: optimism, self-esteem and extroversion. He based his conclusion on a study he claimed “prove” extrovert are happier. No surprise there especially if the questions been asked includes: I like to be with others or I am fun to be with. There are two problems here. 1} he is either an extroverts (which brings a whole new prospective to his conclusion) 2} Lacks of understanding on introversion. Because definition of happiness varies from person to person and most vastly different for introverts and extroverts.

While extensive research on introversion has been conducted, with great emphasis on the psychological and neurological pathway of the physiological makeup of introverts which has contributed to our understanding of the introverted process. It is almost conclusive that these researches would be deemed near useless to our counterpart (extrovert). Since understanding such a complex process is beyond the realm of their character unless their curiosity is driven by various factors directly rewarding to their personal gratification.

I am extremely concerned with the current effort and existing definition of introversion by social academia. While unaware introverts are discovering that they are introverts through various information outlet aided by studies conducted by department such as psychology and neurology to which credits are due, there is a great danger that their effort could have an opposite effect on the existing masses and only fuel further stigmatization and alienation on an already small group. This partly because the terms psychologist and neurologist are commonly misconstrued and associated with subject with neurological disturbance and emotional imbalance. Even more complex is explaining what it is in layman’s term. Because these segment of society are more likely to bear the brunt of alienation and stigmatization that would arise from any such outcome. This with the existing knowledge of social behaviours and groups, extroverts largely find association with like-minded extroverts within various settings the norm and vice visa.  Continuation of these definitions could lead to a path of no return, just like other existing groups within our society (gay, elders, disabled etc) are finding out. Attempt to explain introversion using existing definition has proved challenging. This I believe is a common problem. An alternative definition needs to be sought and fast before it’s too late knowing human natures, once it sticks it will become part of the fabric of our society.

Either way, introverts are faced with a variety of obstacles

Firstly; in order to truly accept once introvertededness one must accept its existence and its true meaning. I say “Existance” because it is very easy to be influenced under certain situation as most people find out when in a state of increased gratification (i.e. partying) arouses some extroverted trait, which in turn arouses self-doubt about oneself (your introvertedness). Contrary to popular belief, introversion is not shyness, nor laziness, nor being a loner or anti-social. It is a form of temperament commonly identified by various characteristics  in every one of us, but embedded to the extreme in a few of us.  Introversion knows no boundaries. It identifies with no country, continent, culture, race, gender or age.

It is a way of life and who we are. As for “Me. I give you an alternative definition. For Myself: it’s an alternative way of living from an introverts prospective & I” am an introvert and proud..

Stay true,  Stay Proud, Stay Introverted..!!

The Introverts Lounge

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